I don't get comfort from many of the sayings that are out there to ease the pain of bereaved parents. In fact they irritate me. "God needed another angel" "Too beautiful for Earth". Sorry, in my opinion that's a bunch of crap.
However, I do get comfort knowing that Emma never knew any pain or suffering in her brief little life. Her mom and dad lovingly talked to her all the time, she heard songs and stories, she felt loving gentle hands touching her little body as it stretched out from my stomach, she felt warmth and love all the time. Even in her death she didn't appear to suffer. It was as if she went to sleep and never woke up.
As a parent the only thing you want is for your child to be happy and free of any suffering, and I know that is what Emma experienced. It is only us shattered people left behind on Earth that feel the pain, and as a mommy I'm okay with that. As long as my baby is okay then I can handle the pain. I'll gladly be the one to suffer as long as she's not. It's just one of the ways I keep myself sane. At the end of the day Emma is okay and I'm the one that's not, and as long as she's okay then I can deal. Does that makes sense? I don't even know if the words in my mind are coming out the way I want them to.
But for now it's time to go to sleep, and hope that tonight will be one of the nights that I sleep so heavily that I don't even remember my dreams in the morning. That even though my mind is probably not getting a break I won't remember either way. Goodnight friends. <3
Yes, this makes complete sense and shows what a strong and loving mother you are. You are the epitome of a giving mother, willing to suffer the hurt knowing your child is not feeling that pain. May you sleep heavily tonight, knowing that your darling Emma is pain-free and full of love. Love you, friend!ReplyDelete
This makes total sense; I see where you were going with this and it clearly demonstrates that you are a mom who is so selfless and loving. Cliches related to infertility make my skin crawl. The one that hurts me the most is, "Oh don't worry about it; you're young, you can have another baby" Uhhhhhh WHAT?! Who cares how old I am?! It doesn't matter how old you are when you experience such a tragedy; it doesn't change the pain. And just having another baby will never replace the life that was lost. I guess people say these things because they want to encourage but they don't know what to say and being silence is to awkward. But for me sometimes silence is just better. Just knowing that someone is sitting there with me is enough. I don't know if that makes sense or if I need more coffee this morning. I hope you slept deep last night and have the best day at school possible!ReplyDelete
It does make sense! Sending love and light to you too. xoxoDelete
You just said it all....if our kids are ok, we can deal with the rest.
But we don't want to forget her ever. We want to know her as you know her. We would like to hear stories and thoughts. Know that we always want to hear her name and her story. We will never tire of them.
We are here for the long haul.....
Elly, thank you so much for your kind words. I so appreciate you taking the time to read my blog and share your thoughts. It means a lot!Delete
It makes perfect sense. You were meant to be a mother and are the only mother that sweet Emma has. I am sorry that you and Britt are feeling such pain, but am happy that Emma is safe and sound in heaven. She was loved by so many through her short life. Praying for you friend!!ReplyDelete