I have been dealing with a lot of bitterness. I have always struggled with feeling jealous and sad when I see women who are pregnant or have babies, but lately I have been really angry and bitter.
Yesterday, there was a woman in Trader Joe's with her baby girl. When I saw the baby in her carrier and the mom talking to her and loving on her, I got mad. Really mad. I thought to myself, how dare you? How dare you be so naive and oblivious to what I am going through right here next to you. How dare you not realize that your baby could have been stillborn, that I am the 1 in 160 instead of you. How dare you have what I want and should have. How dare you. Upon hearing the news today of yet another person's baby coming safely and beautifully into the world, I thought, screw you.
I told you my thoughts were ugly. In the beginning I