It's been quite awhile since I have really written on this blog. The third trimester of pregnancy was hard for me. In addition to the physical discomforts, I had a lot of anxiety about Lilah's birth. It is very hard to prepare to give birth to a living child when your only experience is giving birth to a child who has passed away. My coping mechanism was to shut down and cling to what was close and comfortable. Finding the words and sharing them here wasn't something I wanted to do.
Then came November 24, the day that my bright beautiful rainbow was born. The first few weeks were tough. Really tough. There were the physical aspects of recovering from a c-section and the emotional aspects of getting to know Lilah and learning to mother her, all while feeling the rawness of Emma's death all over again. Not to mention learning how to breastfeed--man that was hard!
Lilah is now 8 weeks old and I can finally say that I have the hang of things. I love spending my days with her and I love her more and more each day. The fog of the first few weeks has worn off and (most days) I actually feel like this is my life. It's such a strange dichotomy, parenting one child who is living and one who is not. It's hard.
Here's a picture of Lilah that I took this morning. She has grown so much!