Tuesday, June 24, 2014

The Due Date

Today marks the one year anniversary of Emma's due date. I'm honestly not sure how I feel about it. It is not as hard as I thought it would be. In a way I almost feel numb to it, empty. I think that is because in many ways it feels like ten years ago instead of one. I have changed so much in this last year. I can barely remember who I was and how I felt last June 24th. 

I have also spent a lot of time in my grief learning to focus on the present. I've created ways to mother and honor Emma where I am today, rather than allowing myself to live in the past or project into the future. Because of this it's hard for me to really travel back to a year ago today. I'm not sure that I want to. 

So, I'm left to mark today in a way that feels right for where I am now. I will acknowledge this date for what it is, but I won't allow myself to be consumed by the past. I can't. It's more than just a choice, it's a survival skill. 

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