The taste of regret is bitter, acidic
It rises up unexpectedly, choking me with its taste
How do I make this lingering disappear?
How could I have known to make that birth plan?
The one where the baby is dead.
How do you make those decisions,
In the split seconds when your world is ending?
You claw at the surface,
Gasping for air,
Mumbling out the first thoughts that run through your head.
I want this done.
And in the moments and days and months that follow,
The bitter taste starts to rise.
It tastes like regret.
Please, be gentle with you. You have done the best for your girl and for her birth. You are her mom, and it is amazing that you made any decisions at all in such difficult time... You did what was right for you and your family based on that moment, you cannot predict the future, no one could tell what the best decision would have been. You had to take decision based on the clues and emotions of that moment, not now. You cannot blame yourself for decisions you take at that time, it was the hardest moment of your life, do not forget that, you have done so much just to survive! Please don't be hard on you. You don't deserve that too.ReplyDelete
Thank you so much for your kind words. You are right. I was in a bad place when I wrote this Friday night. Its hard enough not to be jealous of the birth experience of women who have living babies, but its even harder to hear the birth story of women whose baby died, and yet she made the choices you wish you would have. xoxoDelete